Divorcing Mom

This is a short bit of fiction based on a prompt from Write On Edge. I welcome your opinions on this piece.

As she entered the building memories of a musty old house enveloped her.  What was an attorney doing in this rundown old building?

Standing before room 119 she took a deep breath. This was perhaps the final step in divorcing her mother.  She knocked.

“It’s open.” Someone yelled.

The door was heavy for an eighty pound twelve year old. She stopped short as the door swung closed. This place reminded her of something out of Great Expectations. Just like Miss Havisham, Mr.Romaneski had made time stand still.

A cloud of dust hovered over his bald head in a faint stream of light coming through the scarlet velvet drapes. Everything was heavy and dark.

He motioned toward a leather chair in front of his mahogany desk. It dwarfed her.

Mom always finds the losers, she thought. But then she never met anyone in a library or church, no, only bars.

As he rifled through papers she glanced around the room and noticed an odd arrangement of tarnished silver pieces on a credenza.

Had there been a time he might have lit the dusty candle in the almost black candlestick? How out of place it seemed.

“So!” he began, “Tell me everything.”

“About what?” she asked.

“Your mother.” He replied.

“I’d rather not.” She said.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” He said. “You can trust me.”

Her gut said otherwise. Even though the court sent her here she knew he really worked for her mother.

 

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37 comments

  1. OpinionsToGo

    A bit of a tease…makes me want to know more…

    • Barbara

      I may take it further. This is encouraging, thanks!
      b

  2. Michele Ruta

    You are a natural at dialogue and setting a mood! Loved it, ya tease!!

    • Barbara

      Truly didn’t expect this response from people. I was just kind of ‘lost’ for personal reasons and this writing prompt made me think of a ‘fiction’ scenario. I’m surprised and encouraged by the response.
      Thanks!
      xob

    • Barbara

      Thank YOU Sharon! So encouraging!
      b

    • Barbara

      wow, Thanks Stacia. I hadn’t even thought about a fiction twist. Now I will.
      xob

    • Barbara

      With your imagination Lee I’m sure you could handle it. It’s a bit like walking the tight rope without a net, but it’s great exercise!
      b

  3. Well done, Barbara. I love the Great Expectations reference – that sets the stage. And divorcing her mom is an intriguing premise. I’d like to read more. Seriously!

    • Barbara

      Thanks Stephanie, that means a lot coming from you.
      b

  4. This is so tantalising. The image of a twelve year old girl with a man who she does not trust but pupports to be on her side is arresting and a bit menacing. Great stuff and more please.This was a treat to dwell on.

    • Barbara

      I’m glad you felt it was a treat Peter. I’ll see what I can do to create more of these. It’s great writing exercise.
      b

    • Barbara

      I have no idea Catherine. Guess I better start thinking about it.
      b

  5. The title brought me over and the writing held me here. Now what? Don’t leave us hanging!

  6. Oh yeah. You’ve posed a lot of questions with no answers yet in this. Why did the courts send her there? Who is this guy? Divorcing her mother? Why divorce her mother? Very intriguing. Please consider continuing this!

    • Barbara

      Thanks! I will definitely consider taking this further.
      b

    • Barbara

      Me too! Sometimes things just come to you…hadn’t thought past this scenario, but I will.
      b

  7. I’m interested in the tangled web of connections here. The courts sent her, but he works for her mother. It’s a court ordered meeting, but it’s in a creepy location. Expanding on this could really allow for all those threads to be pulled apart.

    • Barbara

      I’m interested to see where it goes, too! Thanks for stopping and adding to the discussion.
      b

  8. Nice details, and an interesting setup — I too would happily read more of this.

    • Barbara

      I guess I better get going!
      b

  9. Have you read My Sister’s Keeper? It’s excellent and sad. This kind of reminded me of that.

  10. I read your interview on Doreen McGettigan’s blog and knew I had to check your’s out.
    I love that sneak peak!

    • Barbara

      Thanks Linda! and Welcome! Doreen was very kind to interview me and I appreciate it. I hope you’ll be back.
      b

    • Barbara

      You are right Sonia, but I tweaked it quite a bit for this. Never done fiction but maybe it’s possible.
      Thanks!
      b

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