Trauma in the Dressing Room

I felt the need to share this with you today.  I’m hoping after I do the ugly memory will go away. 

I went for a little retail therapy recently to clear my head and hopefully find some clearance deals.  It was a rag top day so I was feeling better before I even got to the mall.

There is a particular brand of jeans that have become very popular and I had never tried them on.  I won’t mention the brand but suffice to say I have no daughters.  Anyway… my head was clearing quite nicely and I was feeling optimistic.  I took a size ten and a size eight into the dressing room.

The ten was huge.  I’m thinking, “I’m going to love this brand if I can wear an eight!”  The eight was too big!

You may think that would make me ecstatic but you underestimate my ability to smell a rat.  At that point I was just pissed they would underestimate women in general.  I haven’t worn a six in about thirty years!

Granted I may have lost a little weight this year, but not three sizes!  If I bought these jeans I would have to wear them inside out so the whole world could see I was wearing a size six, even knowing they wouldn’t believe it either.  I’ll stick with my Lee jeans.

I laughed it off and refused to let their little ploy spoil my afternoon.

Continuing to scour the sale racks I found a very cute maxi skirt, and maxi skirts are very ‘in’ this year, as I’m sure you know.  Not being delusional after the jeans experience I took a medium into the dressing room.

The skirt was a very soft jersey knit and it felt so comfortable when I put it on I barely gave a second thought to buying it.  Then as I was about to take it off something caught my eye.

Here’s my internal dialogue…

“That’s odd… I didn’t think this skirt was lined.  What is bunching up underneath?”

Then as I lifted the skirt to look I was traumatized by what I saw. 

“Who the hell do those legs belong to??!” 

I must interject that I’ve had my dealings with cellulite over the years.  You need not be overweight to have cellulite, it’s cruel like that.  I was aware it hadn’t just disappeared but I never thought it would turn into lumpy drapes?!


We all know how ghastly the lighting is in dressing rooms.  Nope… couldn’t blame the lighting.  Although I believe stores would sell more clothing if they improved that little problem.  But, then I might have purchased the skirt and had this horrifying experience in a public place or ended up on one of those ‘Walmart shopper’ sites, you know what I mean.


Moving on…I did come across the perfect skirt.  It’s the crinkly kind you twist into a knot in between wearing’s.  It resembles what has happened underneath. 


It won’t be long and my ankles will resemble the rolled down stocking look you see on old ladies…while not having any stockings on!

Thank you for letting me share this little trauma and for not judging.  If you have any similar stories to share I promise I won’t judge either. 


  1. OpinionsToGo

    You are preaching to the choir. I just keep buying more make-up, as if make-up is going to make up for the aging process.
    Oh, and I have thrown out all but 2 mirrors in the house.
    They are the ONLY ones I good good in!

    • Barbara

      How funny! I have a mirror trick… get a full sized door mirror and hang it with a wire that’s a teensy bit loose, then let it tip forward ever so slightly. It’s magic!
      Unfortunately can’t take it into the stores with me, but if they were smart they’d have those in every dressing room!

  2. Just think of how much money you’ll save by not having to buy rolled down stockings!!!!
    LOVE that story!

    • Barbara

      Yeah but I’ll make it up by having to find open toed boots!

  3. No judging but I laughed hysterically at each of your little hints. 😉 What can I say but that I live in a home with lots of soft, low lights. 😆

    • Barbara

      Low lighting and a ‘magic mirror’ are definitely a good idea!
      Thanks Elizabeth, glad you enjoyed it.

  4. Yikes – I hate those kind of shopping days and I so dislike that horrid fitting room lighting.

    As a comedienne once said, they should have counselors on the ready to deal with us on the way out of that room – especially after trying on bikinis!

    • Barbara

      Just another reason I haven’t bought a bathing suit or even worn one in years, but that’s another story for another day.
      Thanks Lee!

  5. As my seamstress grandmother taught me: it’s all about the cut. And none of these designers cut the same. Whether it’s to make us feel better (as above) or worse (with some high-end designers you have to go up about 4 sizes) I’m not sure, but it’s irritating and exhausting to have to bring 3 of the same item in the dressing room cause you have no idea which will fit. And at so many stores the dreadful lighting, dirty carpets, broken doors — ugh.

    My only solution is that when I do finally find something that fits AND flatters, I buy it in several colors, plus two in black!

    Glad you finally got a skirt that worked.

    • Barbara

      Your grandmother was right. I know there is no ‘standard’ size, but this was ridiculous!

      Anyway, I agree with you about loading up when you find a designer or brand that works.

    • Barbara

      Thanks for the twitter love Doreen!!

  6. It’s crazy-making, isn’t it?? I decided a while ago that whenever I try anything on, if it doesn’t look or feel or fit great, then it’s the clothes’ fault, not mine 🙂

    • Barbara

      That is a very healthy approach Karen! Thanks!

  7. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I tried on maternity clothes yesterday for the first time and they brought out the nine-month belly. GASP! It was enormous.

    • Barbara

      Funny Sara. We have a sportscaster here in Philly that is about 12 months pregnant and still working. I’m amazed by that every day.

      • Helen costello

        Wish the sportscaster would take some RR, she is going
        to explode on the 6

  8. Lets face it. Without meaning to be too familiar in any way you always look pretty good to me. I do reel backwards sometimes when that man with a squishy neck and deep set eyes looms out of a mirror near me, until I remember I’m looking at myself. As you may have gathered, I don’t do much clothes shoping so a more thorough investigation of my decline is not a common occurance

    • Barbara

      Well I won’t be doing such a thorough investigation much anymore either Peter. It’s too depressing. I keep telling myself it’s how you feel but sometimes the truth can be painful.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  9. “It’s the crinkly kind you twist into a knot in between wearing’s. It resembles what has happened underneath. ”

    Brilliant! And by the way, you’re gorgeous lady – cellulite be dammed!


    • Barbara

      You’re too sweet Adrienne! Thanks for joining in this crazy conversation.

  10. Barbara

    Helen I am waiting every night for a sign of labor pains from Jamie Apodie! So funny! Thanks for sharing a laugh.

  11. Wait just a sandy beach minute! You have a fabulous beach home, but no swimsuit? Shut the front door! haha 🙂

    • Barbara

      Oh I have a few Lee… I just don’t put them on!

  12. Funny. But I’m not judging! I liked the choice of pictures too, haha. By the way, I see you are using Twitter to promote your articles. How is that working out?

    • Barbara

      Actually Mike I have twitter linked to my facebook posts so when I do one it automatically does the other. I’m not a big twitter user but I do understand the need for variety in social networking. There’s only so many hours in the day!
      Thanks for stopping by… from twitter I presume?

      • Yep, I found your blog through Twitter. I was just wondering, because Embedle (a Twitter app) will be releasing a new feature for bloggers soon. It will be a sidebar that you can add to your blog which will allow you to interact with your Twitter followers in a new way, right from your blog. I’m contacting a few interesting bloggers to see if they’re interested in using it or learning more.

  13. Too Funny… I mean your admission of your legs, not the vanity sizing which frustrates me beyond belief. I often have the same reaction in yoga class during inversions when my upper half hangs over my lower half. What happened there? Gravity in either direction is not a pretty sight. Where did all that loose skin come from? Oh well, aging has other benefits. When I figure out what they are, I’ll let you know.

    • Barbara

      I think aging definitely has its benefits but you can’t be vain.

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  15. Donna Tagliaferri

    I am so afraid to go near a store these days. I hurt my knee a little over a year ago and I was only able to start again a month ago. Add to that the fact I ate my way through the preparations for my daughter s wedding and you have a woman who has doubled in size. I am hopeful I can regain some semblance of a woman’s body instead of the penguin thing I have going. I am very, very happy for your size 6 though, no matter how it occurred. Enjoy it!!

    • Donna Tagliaferri

      I left out walking, I just started walking again a month ago

      • Barbara

        I’m in a 10 now. Too much writing! I am trying to walk daily, but it doesn’t always happen. I understand!

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